Mid-life Crisis

I’ve just finished a call with a colleague in the States who is facing that thing we know so well… the mid-life crisis. It sounds banal but it is a very real experience for those going through it. And it looks something like this.

• My work no longer satisfies me
• I try to find satisfaction in material things
• Material possessions no longer satisfy me
• If not careful, I begin a downward spiral…

How can we get out of this?

The first thing to realise is that our lives have two parts: productive and consumptive and the core of the mid-life crisis is using one to offset dissatisfaction in the other.

Let’s take the productive side first.

Up until the forties, we do, do, do and the primary reason for this is to establish our careers, make ourselves materially comfortable and begin and raise a family. Then the crisis hits and the focus goes onto the work itself. Is this satisfying me, is it what I want to do for the rest of my life, what if this is all that I have known? Quite often the answers are: no, no, yes. Pretty scary proposition.

We all need to be productive. At the age of forty we have more productive years left in us than we have already spent so we had better find something that’s worthwhile! Often what is worthwhile is less about things than relationships. And relationships in the productive part of our lives mean business. It is no coincidence that many people, myself included, start our own businesses at this stage of life.

Now the consumptive.

Again, up to the forties, we consume what we need to get along, establish our mark and generally enjoy ourselves. The mid-life crisis is marked by using consumption to offset the dissatisfaction we find in our productive lives: new cars, bigger houses, more expensive wine and superb single malt whiskeys…

We can have all these things, indeed, we should. But, when looked at honestly, they are really just more expensive versions of the necessities of life. The critical thing is that when in the crisis we use them to fill a void. The void created by dissatisfaction in our productive lives.

How do we get through the crisis?

• First, accept that it is happening.
• Second, get the productive and consumptive elements of your life in perspective
• Third, put the focus on the productive – this is the future
• Finally, continue to enjoy all the things you’ve enjoyed until now, it’s not a sin to enjoy material things.

Marshall Goldsmith wrote, “What got you here won’t get you there”. It’s true for this domain as well…